This page was inspired by James
J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., from http://www.coping.org/growth/affirm.htm
Content:
Before we can become self-affirming,
we need to learn about the effects of negativism in our lives.
Negative self-scripts
are the:
- Negative
beliefs you have about yourself and of which you remind yourself
daily.
- Negative
statements about yourself which sprinkle your everyday conversation.
- Self-deprecating
remarks that influence your behavior or beliefs.
- Negative
descriptions given to you by members of your family of origin or
peer group when you were younger onto which you hold even to this
day.
- Negative
feedback you get from your spouse, boss, teacher, colleagues, children,
parents, relatives, or others that you take personally and incorporate
into your personal belief system.
- Negative
self-images you have of your body, looks, face, weight, coloring,
hair, feet, or other parts of your body, which as you visualize,
influence your presentation of self to others.
- Negative
assessment you or others have made of your competency, skills, ability,
knowledge, intelligence, creativity, or common sense. You have agreed
with this internally and, thus, believe it true of you.
- Negative
stories about your past behavior, failures, or performances that
you systematically run over in your mind and which influence your
current conduct.
- Negative
attitudes about the possibility of your achievement of success in
your life; these influence your motivation, effort, and drive for
attainment of goals.
- Negative
visualizations you have of your current status or state in life
to your personal detriment.
- Feelings
of anger, resentment, hostility or rage you feel toward others for
real or imagined mistreatment. This so immobilizes you that your
emotional growth gets stunted and you feel negatively about both
yourself and life in general.
- Feelings
of guilt for real or imagined debilitating wrongs you have committed
that prevent positive self-valuing thoughts.
- Negative
prophecies that you or others have made about yourself, your future,
your success, your relationships, your family, or your health; these
haunt you as you face a daily struggle to "win'' in life.
- Ways
in which you deny yourself rewards for your goodness, hard work
and caring by: (1) not taking time to enjoy the fruits of your labor,
(2) living in a style of self denial and austerity and (3) being
afraid to let down your guard and relax, lest you fail to achieve
your ``Big Pay Off.''
- Feelings
of over-responsibility with which you burden yourself. This includes
the feeling that others in your life will never be able to fully
take care of themselves and that you are "responsible'' for them
no matter what.
- Dread
and fear you have when facing your future; the belief that you do
not have what it takes to survive or to be successful in whatever
circumstances you face.
- Feelings
of failure you harbor about real or imagined mistakes in the past
and your "assured'' failures in the future.
-
Feelings of jealousy you harbor toward
others whom you perceive (real or imagined) to be more successful,
prettier, luckier, better liked, smarter, more talented, more creative,
and generally better off than you.
-
Feelings of inferiority you harbor
about yourself and the belief that no matter what you do in life,
it will never be ``good enough.''
-
Feelings that there is someone in your
life (e.g., your spouse, one of your parents, a family member, a
former teacher, a peer, co-worker, a boss) from whom you are still
waiting to receive recognition of your worth, your goodness, your
competency, your beauty, and your overall qualities.
The outcome of believing
in negative self-scripts
can include:
Over-dependence
on the approval of others: You have an inordinate
need to receive positive reinforcement or approval for what you are,
how you act, and what you do from others, with an inability to be
self-rewarding.
Lack
of self-esteem and low self-concept: You
have an inability to believe in your own worth, inability to see any
value in your own life, a poor self-image, and a lack of belief in
your competency to succeed in life.
Immobilization:
A rigid belief system immobilizes you from taking risks in life, prevents
you from wanting to make a change, freezes your feelings into a negative
pattern, and convinces you that your only role in life is to be victimized
by those from whom you cannot escape.
Negativity:
Your negative view of yourself leads you to see all of your world
in a negative light. You begin to believe and act as a `"loser.''
You see nothing in a positive light and can't be convinced that there
is a better option in life.
Pessimism:
You no longer believe that you will succeed and are no longer willing
to take an optimistic position as you look to your future. You can
see only gloom and doom on the horizon.
Self-Pity:
You begin to feel so sorry for yourself and how life has treated you
that you become your best ``pity party'' guest. You are so lost in
your self-sorrow, regrets, remorse, sympathy, and pity that you refuse
to be shaken or changed. You begin to believe that no one will notice
you if they can't feel sorry for you too.
Cynicism:
You take a "yes-but'' cynical look at every suggestion for change
in your life. You begin to doubt in the sincerity, kindness, and love
of others who are trying to help you. You create a barrier of cynicism
to block them out, thus convincing yourself when they leave you that
they really didn't care.
The
"Guard-All Shield'': You create an invisible
shield, tough for others to see or to penetrate. People will approach
you and try to get involved, but you zap them with your shield and they
back away or turn and run. The shield is so subtle that at times you
don't even know it exists, and you get confused by people pulling away
from you. This shield can take the form of coldness, wise cracking,
fear of being hurt, aloofness, unwillingness to change or take a risk,
fear of being taken advantage of, fear of intimacy, fear of failure,
fear of hurting others, or any other feeling that keeps you from connecting
emotionally with another person
Fulfillment
of the Prophecy: Because negative self-scripts
predict the worst, you at some subconscious level work to achieve the
worst and succeed in fulfilling the negative prophecy of: failure, rejection,
loss, disapproval, or any other catastrophe or malady. It is a pattern
of being self-destructive with one's life.
Depression:
Because of the anger, resentment, rage, hurt, disappointment, disillusionment,
and suffering you experience from your negative self-scripting you are
a ``good'' candidate for firm and long-lasting depression. Your emotions
can become so stuck, rigid, and constricted that you can be embedded
into a deep sense of melancholy, blue funk, and loss of hope. At this
stage you are a candidate for mental health intervention before the
depression reaches a despair level and you become even more self-destructive,
possibly physically ill or suicidal.
Self-affirmations are:
- Healing,
positive self-scripts you give to yourself to counter your negative
self-scripts.
- Vehicles
by which you can free yourself from the over-dependence on other's
opinions, attitudes, or feelings about you and feel good about yourself.
- The
visualization of a new order and sense in your life, which you can
work toward achieving.
- You
take personal responsibility for your health and emotional stability.
- You
let go of negative emotional baggage you have been carrying. Only
then will you be able to deal with your life in a realistic and
positive manner.
- The
resolution of feelings from the past so that you can face the present
with a less obstructed view.
- You
give yourself permission to grow, to change, to take risks, to rise
up, and to create a better life for yourself.
- You
take a healthy `"selfish'' or self-oriented route in your life so
that you can "let go'' of these people who drain your resources
and keep you from experiencing full personal health.
- The
recognition of your rights and affirming your claim on them, giving
you an equitable chance of achieving your fullest potential.
-
Success prophecies
that, when visualized, imagined, or believed in, do come true.
I statements:
"I'' statements are one-line
statements that can be repeated to cover three areas:
I
am: A statement of who you are
This
is a positive affirmation of a real state of being that exists in
you. You can achieve a full list of I am Y statements by taking a
personal positive inventory of your attributes, strengths, talents,
and competencies. Examples include:
-
I am competent
I am energetic
-
I am strong
I am enthusiastic
-
I am intelligent
I am relaxed
-
I am beautiful
I am joyful
-
I am a good person
I am trusting
-
I am caring
I am generous
-
I am loving
I am courageous
-
I am smart
I am forgiving
-
I am creative
I am open
-
I am talented
I am sharing
I can: A
statement of your potential
This is
a positive affirmation of your ability to accomplish goals. It is a
statement of your belief in your power to grow, to change, and to help
yourself. I can Y statements are developed after you develop a set of
"short-term'' (three to six months) goals. Examples include:
- I can
lose weight
I can grow
- I can
stop smoking
I can heal
- I can
handle my children
I can let go of guilt
- I can
gain self-confidence
I can let go of fear
- I can
take risks
I can change
- I can
be a winner
I can be positive
- I can
be strong
I can be a problem solver
- I can
pass calculus
I can handle my own problems
- I can
laugh and have fun
I can be honest with my feelings
- I can
be assertive
I can let go of being compulsive
- I can
control my temper
I can succeed
I will:
A statement of positive change in your life
This is
a positive affirmation of a change you want to achieve. It is a positive
statement of what you want to happen. It is a ``success prophecy.''
I will Y statements are developed after you have set your priorities
for the short-term goals you have set. Examples include:
- I will
like myself better each day.
- I will
gain emotional strength each day.
- I will
lose weight each day.
- I will
smoke less each day.
- I will
control my temper today.
- I will
give others responsibility for their lives today.
- I will
grow emotionally stronger each day.
- I will
smile more at my customers today.
- I will
offer my comments in class today.
- I will
praise my children today.
- I will
feel good things about me today.
- I will
sleep easily tonight.
- I will
feel less guilt each day.
- I will
face my fears courageously today.
- I will
take on only what I can handle today.
- I will
take care of me today.
- I will
challenge myself to change today.
- I will
manage my time better today.
- I will
handle my finances wisely today.
- I will
take a risk to grow today.
I am
I can
Statements of Self-Belief
I will
The daily
use of these "I'' statements is another form of self-affirmation designed
to counter negative self-concept. It can result in a positive attitude,
optimism, and can motivate you toward emotional growth and progress.
There
are word, images or pictures and scenario
visualizations, all affirming positively.
Word
Visualizations:
Step
1: Take any
single target word about who you are, your ability, or what you want
to accomplish. Write it on a 3 x 5 card.
Step
2: Get yourself
into a relaxed state, preferably just before you go to bed. Hold the
card about 12" to 24" from your eyes. Focus your eyes on the word
and concentrate your attention. Hold this thought for up to 20 or
30 minutes.
Step
3: Do this exercise
nightly for at least two weeks. As you continue, you are burning the
image of your goal word into your mind. It will be with you in your
thoughts as you proceed in your everyday life.
Image
Visualization:
Step
1: Create or
find an image of an object, person, or thing that embodies your goal
for who you are, what your abilities are, or what you want to accomplish:
- a
comfortable house
a rainbow
- a
diploma
a sunset
- a
cruise ship
a calm ocean
- a
happy, healthy child
a sunny day
- a
slim body
a snow topped mountain
Step
2: Get yourself
into a relaxed state and either look at the picture or imagine you
reaching your goal. Do this for 20 minutes each night for one month.
Step
3: Get copies
of your picture or a simulation of your goal, and tape them in places
where you will see them as you go through your normal day.
Step 4:
Continue to keep your images in place until you have accomplished
the ``goal'' feelings of success and/or achieved the ``object'' success.
The important thing is to believe that it is possible to achieve. This
motivation is the most important step on your journey to success.
Scenario
Visualizations:
Step
1: Once you have
a goal in mind for yourself, daydream a full color movie in your mind
of what your life would be like if you achieved the goal.
Step
2: Get a tape
recorder and talk out the whole movie on tape. Be fully descriptive,
colorful, positive, and uplifting. Use your imagination to the fullest
and describe how positively you will be handling the change resulting
from your goal attainment. Describe how key "significant others'' in
your life will cope successfully with your change. Save this tape for
future reference.
Step 3:
Write out a description of the goal attainment scenario, and
keep it handy for future reference.
Step 4:
When you are in a relaxed state, listen to the tape and read
your description of the scenario every day for two weeks.
Step
5: Refer back
to the tape and script as time goes on until you have reached full attainment
of your goal.
These forms
of affirmation are words, phrases, or statements
written on 3 x 5 index cards and placed where you can see them daily
and be reminded of positive aspects about yourself. Every time you see
these affirmation cards they will remind you to affirm yourself about
these positive qualities or attributes. State all affirmations in a
positive way.
Suggested places for affirmation
cards:
- mirror
in bathroom
dashboard of car
- mirror
on dresser
desk at office
- closet
door
desk at home
- refrigerator
door
in your wallet
- front
door
in your brief case
- bedroom
door
in books you use at work or school
- at
your telephone
Affirmation
word examples:
- bright
capable
- creative
strong
- intelligent
beautiful
- smart
giving
- quick
peaceful
- loving
hopeful
- caring
responsible
- successful
problem solver
- calm
quiet
- pretty
handsome
- relaxed
enjoyable
Affirmation phrase examples:
- think
happy
take it easy
- be
calm
think wisely
- take
action
work smart
- do
it
take the time
- do
it now
have fun
- be
a winner
relax and enjoy
- take
a risk
sit back
- dare
to be different
step back
- seize
the opportunity
take the lead
- get
in control
give them space
- let
go
believe in me
- let
them be
trust in me
- let
it be
enjoy good health
Affirmation
statement examples:
- All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good.
Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe!
- At this moment, I am safe in mindfulness.
- Be free of guilt today.
- Be responsible. Relax!
- Belief in self is a step toward personal growth.
- Change is a blessing I am working toward.
- Every experience is perfect for my growth process.
- Everything is getting better every day.
- God does not make junk.
- I am a capable human being.
- I am a deserving human being.
- I am a rich treasure ready to be found.
- I am a skillful and artistic person.
- I am able to handle any problem I face.
- I am calm and relaxed in every situation.
- I am exactly where I am supposed to be today. Everything about
this day, this place, this moment is perfect. Everything about
me is perfect in the moment.
- I am flowing on the river of wealth.
- I am getting A's in my exams.
- I am getting wealthier each day.
- I am healthy and happy.
- I am living in the house of my dreams.
- I am responsible only for my own feelings.
- I am safe. It is safe to feel. My feelings are normal and acceptable.
- I am successful in whatever I do.
- I am surrounded by love.
- I am the best friend I have.
- I am winning in the race of life.
- I can accept whatever I am feeling today. Without resistance
my feelings pass and I am then open to experience whatever is
next.
- I can be a winner.
- I can handle all changes that come my way.
- I can show others a good example.
- I deserve to be rewarded for what I do.
- I deserve to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
- I deserve to have my rights recognized.
- I deserve to love and to be loved.
- I deserve to relax more and take it easy.
- I experience the excitement of growth daily.
- I face each new day as a race to be won.
- I grow in love daily.
- I have a lot of energy.
- I have a wonderful satisfying job.
- I have good and loving relations with my wife/husband.
- I have solved problems like this before.
- I have the ability to handle this.
- I have the courage to look without fear at what needs to be
changed in my life.
- I have the means to travel abroad whenever I want to.
- I have the perfect job for me.
- I have the right to feel the way I do.
- I like the way I handle problems.
- I listen with love and gratitude to my body's messages. My body
helps me learn about myself.
- I love myself for who I am.
- I owe no one explanations for my behavior, which is legally,
morally, and ethically correct.
- I radiate love and happiness.
- I release, I relax and I let go. I am safe in the here and now.
I am
- I study and comprehend fast.
- I trust my inner wisdom. I listen to my own guidance. My intuition
is always on my side. I trust it to be there at all times. I am
safe.
- It is OK to be selfish if I don't hurt anyone.
- Let others know who I am.
- Letting go is best for them and for me.
- Letting go is loving
- Love fills me and heals me as I open to connect with the people
God has placed in my life.
- My body is healthy and functioning in a very good way.
- My children will benefit from my healthy changes.
- My children will survive my healthy changes.
- My family will benefit from my relaxing more.
- My mind is calm.
- My possibilities are endless.
- My thoughts are under my control.
- Nothing is worth losing my sanity over.
- Open myself up with one new person today.
- Open up to be loved today.
- Say hello to a new person today.
- Smile and let others in on the secret.
- Success is to be enjoyed.
- Taking risks is the path to growth.
- There are beautiful things happening in my life daily.
- There are opportunities in life to be tried.
- There is nothing I cannot handle.
- They will thank me in the future.
- To be loved I must love.
- Today I am letting a power greater than myself remove all my
fear. I am now free to look within for answers.
- Today I can handle whatever comes up, knowing that I am surrounded
with all the positive energies of good and love in the universe.
- Today is full of miracles!
- Wealth is pouring into my life.
Write a
single positive affirmation on thirty 3 x 5 index cards. Take one card
a day for each day of the month. This card is your affirmation for the
day. When you get to the last card start again.
To make
this daily affirmation process grow, write out thirty different affirmations
for each month of the year. Keep the 360 cards in a recipe box and continually
use the collection year after year, adding new affirmations as you need
them.
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