Laughter Yoga Inspiration

Why did the chicken cross the road? - (Funny Joke)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

SPEAK CHINESE IN 5 MINS - (Funny Joke)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

You MUST read these out loud
* That's not right ................Sum Ting Wong
* Are you harboring a fugitive?....Hu Yu Hai Ding
* See me ASAP......................Kum Hia Nao
* Small Horse .....................Tai Ni Po Ni
* Did you go to the beach? ........Wai Yu So Tan
* I think you need a face lift ...Chin Tu Fat
* It's very dark in here .........Wao So Dim
* I thought you were on a diet ..Wai Yu Mun Ching
* This is a tow away zone .......No Pah King
* Our meeting is next week ......Wai Yu Kum Nao
* Staying out of sight ..........Lei Ying Lo
* He's cleaning his automobile ..Wa Shing Ka
* Your body odor is offensive ...Yu Stin Ki Pu

The English Language - (Funny Joke)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the
feminine, she, shis and shim.

Play on words - (Funny Joke)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Grammar & Paradox Of The English Language - (Funny Joke)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
An alarm goes off by going on.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I did not object to the object.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
You fill in a form by filling it out
Your house can burn up as it burns down

Yogi From The East vs Yogi From The West - (Funny Pictures)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

In India:

In the West:

Elephant 1 - (Funny Pictures)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Dog - (Funny Pictures)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Eagle 2 - (Funny Pictures)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Giraffe - (Funny Pictures)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Students Answers - (Funny Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

Children Explain God - (Funny Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things here on earth.

He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your parent's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they killed Him.

But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times.

It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

Since He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

Barney - (Funny Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" " Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

Dear Pastor Letters - (Funny Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Dear Pastor...

I know God loves everybody, but he never met my sister.

Please say in your sermon that Peter

Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.

I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?

My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.

I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.

I hope to go to heaven some day, but later than sooner.

Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help, or a new pitcher.

My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.

Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.

How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?

I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.

Enjoy your day, and ......Keep It Simple! - (Funny Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

El Vaquero (The Mexican Cowboy) and his Chihuahua, Chilito, are camping in the desert. He sets up their tent and both are soon asleep. Some hours later, El Vaquero wakes his faithful friend.

"Chilito, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Chilito replies, "I see millions of stars, senor."
"What does that tell you?" asks El Vaquero.

Chilito ponders for a minute......

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, senor?"

El Vaquero is silent for a moment, and then says, "Chilito, you pendejo, someone stole our tent!"

Enjoy your day, and ......Keep It Simple.

Linda In A Good Mood - (Funny Sound)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Baby Laughter - (Funny Sound)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

The gang's all laughing! (Laugh Alive!) - (Funny Sound)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Professionally recorded and featuring eight different tracks of laughter the Laugh Alive! CD is pure, warm and joyful laughter. No spoken introductions or instructions will intrude on your enjoyment of the laughing voices as they range from gentle chuckles to wild hilarity - passing through galloping giggles along the way.

Listening to laughter is a great stress buster, a perfect "pick me up," a truly up-lifting way to start your day as well as a delightful way to unwind at night.

The CD jacket describes a series of fun and easy exercises you can do while listening that are designed to stimulate your own natural and healthy laughter without requiring jokes or humor of any sort. These can be done alone, with a partner or in a group. All it takes is the desire to genuinely laugh and the willingness to try the exercises.

Click Here To Purchase

Two who love to laugh (Laugh Alive!) - (Funny Sound)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Click Here To Purchase

Sinister Laughter - (Funny Sound)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Strange Questions, Funny Answers - (Funny Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Philosophy in the deep end - (Funny Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked in to jet engines.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have a film.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I just get lost in thoughts. It's not a familiar territory.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

OK. So what's the speed of dark?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Suppose Edgar Allan Poe had used a computer - (Funny Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed PC! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some bizarre illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee Timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. And no "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know The place to which lost data go. What dreaded nether world is wrought where all lost data will be stored? Beyond the reach of mortal souls? Beyond the ether? In black holes? But sure as there is C, Pascal, and Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, One day you'll be left to wonder, data trying to restore, "Will I see it nevermore?"

HILLBILLY MEDICAL TERMS - (Funny Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan................Searching for the cat.

Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her.
Colic...............A sheep dog.
Coma...............A punctuation mark.
D&C................Where Washington is.
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do.

Enema.............Not a friend.
Fester............Quicker than someone else.
Fibula............A small lie.
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.
Impotent...........Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain.................Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates.

Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node..............................I knew it.
Outpatient...........................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Secretion.......Hiding something
Tablet..........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine...............Opposite of mine.
Varicose............Near by
Hospital...................The biggest building in town, other than Joe's feed warehouse or Franks lumber mill.

Laughing 'till it hurt - (Funny Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

I recorded this video at a corporate presentation sponsored by NSACI that Dr. Kataria gave in Arlington Height, Chicago, on 4/21/2006. The camera moves quite a bit and the reason is simple: I could not stop laughing myself!

Laughing Babies - (Funny Video)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Dogs can skate - (Funny Video)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Dr Kataria Laughing - (Funny Video)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Anti-Boredom Campaign - (Funny Video)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Japp Commercial - (Funny Video)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

The Rose - (Inspiring Song)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, it's only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose

Bottom of the Barrel by Amos Lee - (Inspiring Song)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

This is the theme song for Denver Laughter Club... we sing it together with some silly body gestures... it sums up the Laughter Yoga philosophy!

Bottom of the Barrel

I keep on laughin� to keep from cryin�

I keep on dreamin� to keep from dyin�

I keep on trying.....

Ain�t gonna stop!

Get right down to the bottom of the barrel,

And then you float back on top!

We all know someone, who�s always hurtin�,

The sun is shinin� they draw the curtain....

One thing�s for certain,

the pain ain�t gonna stop!

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel,

And then you float back on top!

You know the grass in always greener in someone else�s yard....

And the world is so much meaner, when you�re heart is hard!

I go out walkin� in any season,

It could be rainin'

It could be freezin�

I don�t need no reason......

It�s just so pleasin� I can�t stop!

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel

And then you float back on top

You get down to the bottom of the barrel

And then you float right back on top!

(HA HA HA!)

Words and Music: Amos Lee

One World - (Inspiring Poem)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

He prayed- it wasn't my religion
He ate- it wasn't what I ate
He spoke- it wasn't my language
He took my hand- it wasn't the color
of my hand
But when he laughed- it was how I laughed
And when he cried it was how I cried
Underneath we're all the same

The measure of a man - (Inspiring Poem)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Not "How did he die?" But "How did he live?"
Not "What did he gain?" But "What did he give?"
Not "What was his station?" But "Had he a heart?"
And "How did he play his God-given part?"
Not "What was his shrine?" Nor "What was his creed?"
But "Had he befriended those really in need?"
Not "What did the piece in the newspaper say?"
But "How many were sorry when he passed away?"
Was he ever ready with a word or good cheer.
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Children Learn What They Live - (Inspiring Poem)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Keep Anger Out Of Your Voice - (Inspiring Poem)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

IT�S NOT SO MUCH WHAT YOU SAY
AS THE MANNER IN WHICH YOU SAY IT.
IT�S NOT SO MUCH THE LANGUAGE YOU USE
AS THE TONE IN WHICH YOU CONVEY IT
�COME HERE!� I SHARPLY SAID,
AND THE CHILD COWERED AND WEPT.
�COME HERE,� I SAID �
HE LOOKED AND SMILED
AND STRAIGHT TO MY LAP HE CREPT.

WORDS MAY BE MILD AND FAIR �
BUT THE TONE MAY PIERCE LIKE A DART,
WORDS MAY BE SOFT AS THE SUMMER AIR
BUT THE TONE MAY BREAK MY HEART;
FOR WORDS COME FROM THE MIND
GROWING BY STUDY AND BY ART �
BUT TONE LEAPS FROM THE INNER SELF,
REVEALING THE STATE OF THE HEART.

WHETHER YOUR KNOW IT OR NOT,
WHETHER YOU MEAN IT OR CARE
GENTLENESS, KINDNESS, LOVE AND HATE,
ENVY, AND ANGER ARE THERE
THEN WOULD YOU QUARRELS AVOID,
AND WITH PEACE AND LOVE REJOICE?
KEEP ANGER NOT ONLY OUT OF YOUR WORDS
KEEP IT OUT OF YOU VOICE.

Just One - (Inspiring Poem)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.

One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.

One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room.
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.

One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.

One voice can speak with wisdom.
One heart can know what's true.
One life can make the difference,
You see, it's up to You!

Don't let the chain of love end with you - (Inspiring Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

He was driving home one evening, on a two-lane country road. Work, in this small mid-western community, was almost as slow as his beat-up Pontiac. But he never quit looking. Ever since the factory closed, he'd been unemployed, and with winter raging on, the chill had finally hit home.

It was a lonely road. Not very many people had a reason to be on it, unless they were leaving. Most of his friends had already left. They had families to feed and dreams to fulfill. But he stayed on. After all, thiswas where he buried his mother and father. He was born here and knew the country. He could go down this road blind, and tell you what was on either side, and with his headlights not working, that came in handy.

It was starting to get dark and light snow flurries were coming down. He'd better get a move on. You know, he almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So, he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe, he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill that only fear can put in you.

He said, "I'm here to help you ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm. By the way, my name is Joe." Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Joe crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down her window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Joe just smiled as he closed her trunk.

She asked him how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Joe never thought twice about the money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance that they needed, and Joe added "...and think of me".

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went into it to get something to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out of work actor - it didn't ring much.

Her waitress a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The waitress noticed the lady's wet hair and brought her a fresh towel to dry it. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Joe.

After the lady finished her meal, and the waitress went to get her change from a hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. She wondered where the lady could be, then she noticed something written on a napkin. There were tears in her eyes, when she read what the lady wrote.

It said, "You don't owe me a thing, I've been there too. Someone once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here's what you do. Don't let the chain of love end with you." Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could she have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's gonna be all right; I love you, Joe."

Thank you for correcting me, sister! - (Inspiring Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful. Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving - "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!"

I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day. One morning my patience was wearing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again!" I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it.

I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."

At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it, Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the "new math", he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frustrated with themselves - and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So, I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers.

Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend." That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?", I heard whispered, "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much..." No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter.

The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again. That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip - the weather, my experiences in general. There was a lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last night," he began. "Really?", I said. "I haven't heard from them in years, I wonder how Mark is?" Dad responded quietly, "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend."To this day, I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark.

I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one, those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as a pallbearer came up to me. "We're you Mark's math teacher?", he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frayed list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists." That's when I finally sat down and cried.

Sister Helen P. Mrosla

What truly matters in life - (Inspiring Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. They all turned around and went back. Every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, "This will make it better."

All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What truly matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

You can, you can, you can - (Inspiring Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Donna's fourth grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past. The teacher's desk was in front and faced the students. The bulletin board featured student work. In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom. Yet something seemed different that day as I entered it for the first time.

My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation of a training program that focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about themselves and take charge of their lives. Donna was one of the volunteer teachers who participated in this project.

I took an empty seat in the back of the room and watched. All the students were working on a task, filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas. The ten-year-old student next to me was filling her page with "I Can'ts." "I can't kick the soccer ball past second base." "I can't do long division with more than three numerals." "I can't get Debbie to like me." Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up. She worked on with determination and persistence. I walked down the row glancing at students' papers.

Everyone was writing sentences, describing things they couldn't do.

By this time the activity engaged my curiosity, so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on, but I noticed she too was busy writing. I felt it best not to interrupt. "I can't get John's mother to come for a teacher conference." "I can't get my daughter to put gas in the car." "I can't get Alan to use words instead of fists."

Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of writing the more positive "I Can" statements, I returned to my seat and continued my observations. Students wrote for another ten minutes. They were then instructed to fold the papers in half and bring them to the front. They placed their "I Can't" statements into an empty shoe box. Then Donna added hers. She put the lid on the box, tucked it under her arm and headed out the door and down the hall.

Students followed the teacher. I followed the students. Halfway down the hallway Donna entered the custodian's room, rummaged around and came out with a shovel. Shovel in one hand, shoe box in the other, Donna marched the students out to the school to the farthest corner of the playground. There they began to dig. They were going to bury their "I Can'ts"! The digging took over ten minutes because most of the fourth graders wanted a turn. The box of "I Can'ts" was placed in a position at the bottom of the hole and then quickly covered with dirt.

Thirty-one 10- and 11-year-olds stood around the freshly dug grave site. At this point Donna announced, "Boys and girls, please join hands and bow your heads." They quickly formed a circle around the grave, creating a bond with their hands. They lowered their heads and waited. Donna delivered the eulogy.

"Friends, we gathered here today to honor the memory of 'I Can't.' While he was with us here on earth, he touched the lives or everyone, some more than others. We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and a headstone that contains his epitaph. His is survived by his brothers and sisters, 'I Can', 'I Will', and 'I'm Going to Right Away'. They are not as well known as their famous relative and are certainly not as strong and powerful yet. Perhaps someday, with your help, they will make an even bigger mark on the world. May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence. Amen."

As I listened I realized that these students would never forget this day. Writing "I Can'ts," burying them and hearing the eulogy. That was a major effort on this part of the teacher. And she wasn't done yet. She turned the students around, marched them back into the classroom and held awake. They celebrated the passing of "I Can't" with cookies, popcorn and fruit juices. As part of the celebration, Donna cut a large tombstone from butcher paper. She wrote the words "I Can't" at the top and put RIP in the middle. The date was added at the bottom.

The paper tombstone hung in Donna's classroom for the remainder of the year. On those rare occasions when a student forgot and said, "I Can't," Donna simply pointed to the RIP sign. The student then remembered that "I Can't" was dead and chose to rephrase the statement.

I wasn't one of Donna's students. She was one of mine. Yet that day I learned an enduring lesson from her as years later, I still envision that
fourth grade class laying to rest, "I Can't".

Power of praise - (Inspiring Story)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

I was in New York the other day and rode with a friend in a taxi. When we got out, my friend said to the driver, "Thank you for the ride. You did a superb job of driving." The taxi driver was stunned for a second. Then he said, "Are you a wise guy or something?" "No, my dear man, and I'm not putting you on. I admire the way you keep cool in heavy traffic." "Yeah," the driver said and drove off.

"What was that all about?" I asked. "I am trying to bring love back to New York," he said. "I believe it's the only thing that can save the city." "How can one man save New York?" "It's not one man. I believe I have made that taxi driver's day. Suppose he has 20 fares. He's going to be nice to those 20 fares because someone was nice to him. Those fares in turn will be kinder to their employees or shopkeepers or waiters or even their own families. Eventually the goodwill could spread to at least 1,000 people. Now that isn't bad, is it?"

"But you're depending on it," my friend said. "I'm aware that the system isn't foolproof so I might deal with ten different people today. If out of ten I can make three happy, then eventually I can indirectly influence the attitudes of 3,000 more." "It sounds good on paper," I admitted, "but I'm not sure it works in practice." "Nothing is lost if it doesn't. It didn't take any of my time to tell that man he was doing a good job. He neither received a larger tip nor a smaller tip. If it fell on deaf ears, so what? Tomorrow there will be another taxi driver I can try to make happy." "You're some kind of a nut," I said. "That who shows how cynical you have become.

I have made a study of this. The thing that seems to be lacking, besides money of course, for our postal employees, is that none tells people who work for the post office what a good job they're doing." "But they're not doing a good job." "They're not doing a good job because they feel no one cares if they do or not. Why shouldn't someone say a kind word to them?" We were walking past a structure in the process of being built and passed five workmen eating their lunch. My friend stopped. "That's a magnificent job you men have done. It must be difficult and dangerous work." The workmen eyed my friend suspiciously.

"When will it be finished?" "June," a man grunted. "Ah. That really is impressive. You must all be very proud." We walked away. I said to him "I haven't seen anyone like you since The Man From LaMancha."

"When those men digest my words, they will feel better for it. Somehow the city will benefit from their happiness." "But you can't do this all alone." I protested. "You're just one man." "The most important thing is not to get discouraged. Making people in the city become kind again is not an easy job, but if I can enlist other people in my campaign..." "You just winked a very plain-looking woman," I said. "Yes, I know," he replied. "And if she's a school-teacher, her class will be in for a fantastic day.

Eleanor Roosevelt - (Inspiring Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Eleanor Roosevelt wrote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life, But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart

To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays once, it is his fault; If he betrays you twice, it is your fault

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses much more;
He who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift

Our Mirror - (Inspiring Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

The good you find in others, is in you too.

The faults you find in others, are your faults as well.

After all, to recognize something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.

The beauty you see around you, is your beauty.

The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are.

To change your world, you must change yourself.

To blame and complain will only make matters worse.

Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.

What you see in others, shows you yourself.

See the best in others, and you will be your best.

Give to others, and you give to yourself.

Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.

Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love, and you will be loved.

Seek to understand, and you will be understood.

Listen, and your voice will be heard.

Teach, and you will learn.

Show your best face to the mirror, and you'll be happy with the face looking back at you.

To laugh often and much - (Inspiring Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

Today - (Inspiring Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

Today... I can whine because I have to go to work, or I can shout for joy because I have a job to go to. Today... I can complain because the weather is rainy, or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today... I can feel sad that I don't have more money, or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today... I can grumble about my health, or I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today... I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up, or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today... I can cry because roses have thorns, or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today... I can mourn my lack of friends, or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today... I can complain because I have to go to school, or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today... I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework, or I can feel grateful that I have shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today... stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped, and here I am the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What Today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

5 fingers prayer - (Inspiring Thought)

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:41:14 +0100

1. Your thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C.S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty".

2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

3. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.

4. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is fact that this is our weakest finger; as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.

5. And lastly comes our little finger; the smallest finger of all. Which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "the least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinky should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight; Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for $15.00 to feed her family.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering; what is life all about, what is my purpose? Be thankful, there are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!