When Bad Things Happen To Good People
03-Apr-08Madhuri and I went on a Laughter Tour to Japan, Singapore, Indonesia (Bali) and South Korea last month. Besides Singapore, we were visiting the other countries for the first time. I was very excited and was really looking forward to this trip. The last thing I ever imagined was to find myself writing this article from an Intensive Care Unit in a hospital in Singapore. Life really took a twist and left me a confirmed believer in the maxim, ‘Man proposes God disposes.’
Madhuri met with a serious road accident and was hospitalized for more than a week. Sitting besides her in the ICU, and seeing her recover from her injuries, innumerable thoughts about life went through my mind. I never dreamt that something like this would befall us.
She was bruised and wired all over. All I could hear were sounds of life saving monitors and machines that helped her to breathe and hang on to life. I was distressed to see Madhuri, an avid practitioner of laughter breathing oxygen through a tube instead of taking it in through deep breathing in the laughter club. Instead of endorphins generated through laughter, poor Madhuri was being administered a six hourly dose of morphine sulphate — the strongest painkiller used in the hospitals. All I wanted was to see her laugh and smile once again.
Just two weeks before the accident, we had a great time laughing in Tokyo, Kobe, Osaka and Nagoya followed by an exclusive holiday in Bali, where we did Laughter Yoga seminars with more than 100 laughter club members. After the hectic Japanese tour, Bali was like a spiritual retreat. We were captivated by the natural beauty and the striking lifestyle of the people.
We were fully charged when we left Bali for Singapore to conduct a two-day leadership training. On reaching, we went out for dinner with our friend and laughter leader Avi Liran. After dinner, we walked out and Avi suggested we take a short cut to the hotel which unfortunately turned out to be the longest route we ever took. I will never forget that ill-fated day of 16th of March.
As we were crossing the road, Madhuri was suddenly hit by a speeding motorbike and was thrown a few meters down the road. Profusely bleeding, she went into a state of shock. We immediately rushed her to the Singapore General Hospital where she had to undergo an emergency surgery for rupture of spleen. In addition, two of her ribs were fractured and there was a leakage from the lungs into the pleural cavity medically known as pneumothorax.
I was also worried about a big swelling on her head which thankfully was superficial haematoma and not a deep brain injury. Avi and I sat outside the emergency room throughout the night waiting anxiously for Madhuri to come out of the recovery room. We were told that 24 to 48 hours were crucial as any complication can occur. We called off the workshop to be held the next day and I also cancelled my trip to South Korea.
I kept a close watch on Madhuri’s condition. When she opened her eyes the next day after 36 hours, the first thing she asked me was why didn’t I go for my workshop? That brought tears in my eyes and I told her that I could not think of leaving her in this condition.
I posted the whole incident on the website on my blog and was moved by the overwhelming response from laughter lovers. There were messages of love, care and healings from all over the world. My phone kept ringing as family and friends were all worried about Madhuri’s condition. Surrounded with so much love and blessings, she was out of the hospital within nine days.
Such Is Life
Looking back, it was the greatest crisis of my life which luckily passed off without much damage. I shudder to think it could have been worse…There are a few things I learnt during this very critical phase which I would like to share with you…
First of all I learnt not to contemplate on what’s happened, but on what should be done. In the first two days, I found Avi feeling guilty. He kept saying that he should have never taken the shortcut and he held himself responsible for the incident. We spent several hours outside the ICU just reflecting on how and why all that happened. I realized we were quite miserable when we focused on the ‘How’s’ and ‘Why’s.’ But then I had a self dialogue and decided to focus all my energy on how to make Madhuri feel better. Instead of pondering over what happened, I realized it was important to move ahead and be positive. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction and a certain joy from within as I looked after my wife and nursed her needs. It really deepened our bonds and brought us even closer.
It is natural for people to think negative when something bad happens, but to think positive; one has to make a concerted effort. Though, when I focused on the positive side of the accident, it was easy for me to do so, as I had learnt to be positive and calm in times of adversity.
Looking at the incident optimistically, I was thankful that Madhuri did not suffer any permanent disability. I appreciated the fact that the ambulance arrived within five minutes of the accident that really saved her life. The medical care was exceptional and doctors, nurses and paramedical staff were extremely cooperative and helpful. We had the support of family and friends from all over the world
Besides the prayers and the blessings to keep our morale up, I kept doing laughter exercises every day despite the setback. It made me feel better and helped me remain calm and composed.
Another lesson I learnt was that life is nothing but an ebb and flow of circumstances. The only constant is change - nothing is permanent. A week before the accident Madhuri was laughing in Bali and the next week she landed up with a life-threatening situation. Ten days of battling and she’s once again laughing and smiling. Such is life – unpredictable and completely changeable.
There is never a moment that one can rely on. The uncertainty lives on and no one knows what may happen next. Therefore, to make one’s life more fulfilling and meaningful, it is important to live the moment and make the best of it. Living in the present is the essence of life and Laughter Yoga helps people to do just that. It is an effective disconnect from the past and the future and all that may bring on unpleasant feelings and thoughts.
I also realized it is not the change that baffles us, but what we do when the change happens. Our reaction to change is what portrays our attitude. It could be negative or positive depending on the conditioning and the mindset of the person. Laughter Yoga has the power to change ones’ mood and state of mind almost instantaneously and generate positive thoughts which help one to cope with any situation effectively.
The other thing I learnt from all of this was though we are powerless and have no control over what happens in our life, we have full control over our actions. What we do is entirely in our hands and has a direct bearing on the consequences.
Falling in a ditch may be destiny, but getting out of it depends on how you deal with the situation. All our actions and reactions are significant as they shape our destiny further and improve our lives filling it with joy and happiness.
The quality of life does not depend upon how many good things happen to us; rather it depends upon what one does when those things happen.
Through my teachings and beliefs of Laughter Yoga, I want to ensure that bad things do not affect people adversely. Laughter has the ability to make people better, not bitter.
Dear Madan
It’s great writing! Thank you!
John
Comment by John Tachenag Chen(Taiwan) — April 5, 2008 @ 12:40 am
I am extemely proud of you and your wifes couragious efforts during this demise. As we all know that the good you have done for world transformation through laughter and continue to do so has reverberated on postive outcomes for madhuri as her healing process within such a short time is miraculous. So when we decide to serve the world GOD in his grand scheme of things alos sees us as beneficiaries of our our own efforts to do for others. I firmly believe that the greatest investment in life is not in material existence but in the eradication of human suffering through laughter.
Take care
Namaste
with lots of love,light and laughter
Dr.Gita Suraj-narayan
South Africa
Comment by Dr Gita Suraj Narayan — April 5, 2008 @ 10:47 am
What an inspiration you are! A true hero in my world!
It is such a wise thing you have shared - looking at every incident optimistically and deciding how we will go FORWARD rather than looking back is so powerful. Thank you for sharing your insights and your very personal story.
I had tears streaming down my face as I read of how Madhuri was hurt and your stressful, frightened time in the hospital. But by the end of your essay, my tears were tears of happiness. I am so grateful Madhuri is getting better and I am so grateful for all that you both have given to the world and to me personally by teaching us all to laugh for the HEALTH of it! You inspire me every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Blessings, Health,Love and Giggles,
Amy Beard
Quesnel Laughter Club - B.C. Canada
and www.blogtalkradio.com/Laughing-Lady on the www
Comment by Amy Beard — April 5, 2008 @ 2:23 pm
sorry to learn about the unexpected accident. however, its a great and miracle escape in a foreign land. God is great and so we call HIM almighty.
Your positive attitude is aappeciated and your message is clear.
Wish her full recovery sooner than soonest from injuries and mental shock. she is strong and bold having your loving support.
neelam and I pray for her good health and healthy life.
regards
mohinder
Comment by mohinder anand — April 5, 2008 @ 6:19 pm
Dear Madan and Madhuri,
Oh My! I was just laughing through life until I read your story. I am so sorry to hear of this! We truly are connected in this life as I could feel the pain in your text. I am pleased that Madhuri is well again. Thank you so much for sharing this most intimate detail of your lives with us. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Life truly is fleeting, we always must live each moment as if it is our very last—full and without the need for regret! It is such a precious thing.
Namaste
Denise Irish, TeeHee Tampa
Comment by Denise Irish — April 5, 2008 @ 6:38 pm
My dear Madan.
Thank you so much for telling us all this… this is quite an inspiration! As always! I was reading my notes from San Diego conference the other day and found something that inspired me on exactly what I needed to be inspired on! And today, I read this and I need to thank you for it inspired me on something else I needed to be helped with!
I am so very releaved that Madhuri is feeling better and that you too are feeling better! You two are surrounded by love, light and laughter and I know that people from all over the world are breathing for you… The Laughter Clubs members and leaders are laughing for you every day!
I am sending you my love, light, serenity and peace.
Bravo for the great (and new!) picture of the 2 of you of the “cover” of this newsletter!
You look MARVELOUS!
Love, joy and laughter
Linda
Comment by Linda Leclerc — April 5, 2008 @ 8:49 pm
Oh Oh No No No……….but Yes Yes Yes to all your sharings……….how Wonderful you are Madan, to turn an awful event into a Blessing…..not only for you but all of us, because you make us realise that even when we are feeling pain in any situation…we can still laugh…………and then enjoy the present moment because that is all we have………It made me so Happy to see Madhuri smiling again, YOU TWO have made a difference to the World so the worlds Love and prayers WILL make a difference to you both because thats what you deserve so please both take it easy and enjoy the Blessings that you Both are…to each other and to all of us…
I Love you Both,
Carolyn Nicholson, Eltham Laughter Club, Victoria , Australia.
Comment by Carolyn Nicholson — April 6, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Hello Dr. Kataria,
First of all I’d like to say how grateful I am to the universe to hear that your beloved Madhuri is recovering so well–she is meant to be here to help you continue to heal the world through laughter. What a perfect example to show others who may be still a little
hesitant about the benefits of Laugher Yoga.
I was blessed by Raman Dhar, a Certified Laughter Coach living in Coquitlam, BC, Canada who opened his home to start another Laughter Club when he heard of my grieving over the deaths of my beloved husband and not too long after, my beloved sister; both from cancer. Last year I then took the Laugher Leader training with your friend Alan O’Meara and his business partner (and friend) Farah Nazarali. Not long after the training I was given the opportunity to sub for Farah at her club in Vancouver. I now am leading a class at a community centre in Burnaby BC where I live.
In closing, I will be eternally grateful for this wonderful gift of laughter which has turned my life right around!!! I laugh every day and it’s so delightful to just walk down the street, feel the joy of living and “laugh for no reason”!
God Bless Always,
Heather Podrow (we used to call ourselves Two Peas in a Podrow)
Comment by Heather Ruth Podrow — April 6, 2008 @ 12:54 pm
Hello Dr. Kataria,
Thank you for writting this inspiring and thought-provoking article. I am very happy to know that your wife is doing much better. My prayers and thoughts are with you and Madhuri.
God bless.
Liliana DeLeo
Comment by Liliana DeLeo — April 6, 2008 @ 3:10 pm
Dear Dr. Madan, Hi! I enjoyed reading the article you wrote on,”When Bad Things Happen to Good People”! My mom Nancy told me it was just an excellent article that your wrote with lots of thought and meaning in it, and I think that as well!!! I am so very Happy that Madhuri’s recovery is going very well for her. I hope her recovery continues to go well for her during her healing journey, with the very serious accident that came to her in Singapore.
Best Wishes to you Dr. Madan and to Madhuri! I will keep you both in my prayers. Love From Christina Watson.( Owen Sound,ON,Canada)
Comment by Christina Watson — April 6, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
Dear Dr Kataria,
Even though we know intellectually that life changes all the time, it is still quite shocking to learn of Madhuri’s accident. I’m glad to hear that she is recovering well. She is such a beautiful, radiant and inspiring person.
Thank you for sharing your insights on how to deal with trying times. The evening after reading the story I had to stay up very late in the morning to take care of my son (again!). At 4am when he was still not showing any signs of going back to sleep I started crying in frustration and despair…”Why won’t he go to sleep, Why, Why, Why?!” Your voice came into my head and said,”Don’t ask why. Answer what next.” I was recharged with enough hope to go back at it and with loving compassion finally resolved the situation.
Big love from Tokyo,
Lisa and William
Comment by Lisa Booth — April 6, 2008 @ 7:26 pm
Hi Dr. Kataria I am so grateful that your beloved Madhuri is well and have recovered. Your name KATARIA ia so blessed in Malay kata is Say or saying RIA is happy riang is happiness!! therefore Kataria is saying happiness!! In this world of suffering and war all over the world it is a blessing that your laughter club is a symbol of happiness and peace throughout the world.The suffering and the pain inflicted on your wife and the calm that you have received through your laughter training is what strengthen you spiritually and physically.
We learned so much from your laughter training and we are ever so grateful to you and your wife Madhuri.
Have a peaceful and wonderful time and may the laughter continue forever …
Mailien matin Kota Kinabalu Sabah Malaysia The Land Below The Wind.
Comment by mailien matin — April 6, 2008 @ 9:57 pm
Dear Madan and Madhuri
I hope that Madhuri’s recovery is rapid and complete. Thank you Madan for taking this experience and using it for the benefit of us all.
You are in our prayers and thoughts
With much love
hahahahahaha (even in the darkest moments)
Geoffrey and Rhea
Comment by Geoffrey Molloy — April 7, 2008 @ 9:20 am
Dear Madam and Madhuri,
I just read your diary and I will do ardas tonight that Madhuri recoverys quickly. I was really inspired reading your diary. Both of you are in my thoughts.
May laughter bring you both to happiness and speedy recovery quickly
I treasure those moments we spend in Mallorca
take care,, punjabi student Sharan Kaur
Comment by Sharan Sarai — April 8, 2008 @ 5:41 am
Dear Madan and Madhurı,
I thank you in gratitude for sharing your life experiences. You continue to teach us by example and sincerety how to bring joy,health and peace in our lives no matter what life presents to us.
My prayers are with you both and I hope it will make you happy to know that Laughter Yoga is also happening in İzmir, Turkey!
Sending you unlimited love and light with Turkish delight!
Your student,
Deniz Keller
İzmir,Turkey
Comment by Deniz Keller — April 24, 2008 @ 6:08 pm
Dear Madan and Madhuri
Great inspiring story - you “walk your talk” and you “laugh at the demons”.
The demons are of course our negative thinking leading to limiting & destructive beliefs leading to negative responses and ill health.
Thank you and with best wishes, Hasu
Comment by Hasu Ramji — July 12, 2008 @ 10:55 am